' D A T I N G G A M E '
I N N U E N D O
BY BOB PIGEON
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If I were a small oil-producing nation under siege by a tyrannical dictator, how long would you wait to send in ground troops?
If I were a canker sore, how many times a day would you put your tongue on me?
Where were you when the human soul was destroyed and were you complicit in it's demise?
Are there eggs in custard?
If I were a carpenter and you were my lady, would you marry me anyway?
If you could be any member of 1970's rock group Mountain, who would you be and why?
If I were a semi-attractive woman desperate for attention and you were a struggling actor/stand-up comic seeking exposure on national television, how would you answer a question which contained weakly veiled sexual overtones?
We're on a date, it's 8 pm and Išve just stabbed my
ex-boyfriend/agent seventeen times in the ribs. Where would we go for dinner?
You don't like Steely Dan, do you?
If I were a sturgeon and you were a chef, how would you prepare me, what side dishes would you serve, and what wine would best complement the consumption of my body?
Which movie title would best describe your lovemaking ability: Die Hard, Deep Impact or Low Self Esteem Loser 2?