A N   I N T E R V I E W
W I T H   O P   S A I L   2 0 0 0.

BY JULIAN KYD

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" 'Tall ships' sailed through New York harbor on Tuesday, part of an awe-inspiring floating parade featuring thousands of vessels as Operation Sail returned to the Hudson River. The festivities kicked off when the Coast Guard barque Eagle passed beneath the Verrazano Bridge. Behind it were two dozen warships, 'tall ships' from around the globe and an assortment of lesser boats from schooners to speedboats" —NY Times, July 4, 2000

INTERVIEWER: First off, are you the private Genome, or the public one? Honestly, we haven't really been following this story, and aren't clear on the distinction.
OPERATION SAIL: [Sound of water lapping]

INTERVIEWER: Oops. That's leftover from the last interview we did. Excuse me. We will begin again. Welcome to New York Harbor. Did you have a good, ahem, sail?
OPERATION SAIL: [Sound of water lapping]

INTERVIEWER: That's nice.
OPERATION SAIL: [Sound of water lapping]

INTERVIEWER: No, we were upstate, unfortunately. Not entirely unforunately, as we did have a very nice time, and spent a good deal of it in the water. Chilly, but refreshing. We haven't been in here; it is likewise?
OPERATION SAIL: [Sound of water lapping]

INTERVIEWER: No, we have never had that problem, as our hull is made of flesh, but we can imagine it is discomforting.
OPERATION SAIL: [Sound of water lapping]

INTERVIEWER: [helpfully] We did hear a rather amazing tale of near disaster on an island off the Greek coast recently. Have you ever been to Greece?
OPERATION SAIL: [Sound of water lapping]

INTERVIEWER: Of course it makes sense to use that name now. Yes. And, no, it won't take all day to get to this part. We're here already.
OPERATION SAIL: [Sound of water lapping]

INTERVIEWER: It does make it harder. Kind of the inverse of the other day, you with your monochromatic, albeit melodic answers. I should flesh this out because when everyone scrolls down to see if it gets any better, they will stop at the longish paragraph to see if there is some extended joke thing here. We are hoping the double-plus meta referencing bit seems nominally different and better than the last one. We don't like being repetitive, but we think it's funny that they did the supercomputer interview after the genome thing. Would you be willing to play chess against ASCI WHITE? It seems awfully smart....
OPERATION SAIL: [Sound of water lapping]

INTERVIEWER: Well, we thought about doing an interview with Ben Greenman, but that seemed a little dicey. Easier to poke a stick at inanimate objects.
OPERATION SAIL: [Sound of water lapping]

INTERVIEWER: Sorry. Yes, rocking up and down in the surf consitutes motion, but we think you get the point. And all the other press is slavishly congratulatory. We're not on some program to take you down a notch or three, just gently pointing out the obvious.
OPERATION SAIL: [Sound of water lapping]

INTERVIEWER: Yes, it might be better if we try to create something orginial. But isn't humor, at it's root, derivative? You are simply establishing some straw person of value when you start qualifying which derivative gesture you prioritize as qualitatively better as source material, or execution strategy? The post-modern project, if one can be said to exist, and if you accept that this is part of such a continuum, needs to be embrace this as legitimate, or you run the risk of invalidating your thesis on its face.
OPERATION SAIL: [Sound of water lapping]

INTERVIEWER: No, that's understandable; even I stopped reading that question. And I apoligize for recycling that joke, which was done intentionally, like this, so I guess my contrition is feigned. Again, we head down that road of post modern street cred. Intention is everything and nothing.
OPERATION SAIL: [Sound of water lapping]

INTERVIEWER: What? Oh, we need some dialogue to make it seem like you are participating, and this isn't some thinly veiled monologue? Oops, I did it again.
OPERATION SAIL: [Sound of water lapping]

INTERVIEWER: No, that wasn't a Britney Spears reference. We are stretching a little here, not quite sure how to wrap this up. You think we can get away with more recycling? Or, rather, we are going to recycle some more, very intentionally.
OPERATION SAIL: [Sound of water lapping]

INTERVIEWER: You think Ben Greenman is pissed at me?
OPERATION SAIL: [Sound of water lapping]






OTHER McSWEENEY'S STORIES
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An Interview with the Proprietor by The Genome
An Interview with the Genome by Robert Higginbotham
We Have Seen the Future, and It is Humble: Surely Evidence of our End Times (We Don't Really Think So, but Want to Fan the Flames of Paranoia). And We Really Like These Long Titles.
Some Superheroes by Dave Pepey
Ben, We Hardly Knew Ye: A Fromage by Dan Vaden



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